While many consider themselves experts at failed dating and courtship, this handy guide provides a multitude of dubious examples about how to be even worse.

Instructions are given on how to develop an annoying hyena laugh, the appropriate moment to mention how cancerous your date looks, and the best time to drop a hot dog in your date's lap.

If you can't think up your own, buy one of those books with Fabio (the guy from the "I can't believe it's not butter" commercials) on the cover and be one of those guys.

There's no law that says you actually have to follow through with the ceremony.

Plus, it takes an expert to tell cubic zirconia from a diamond, and if she takes her ring to an expert she clearly doesn't trust you and is a lost cause anyway.

(It alters your blood type.) Almost all girls have one.

In 90% of cases it's the knight in shining armour, the handsome prince or the tall, dark and handsome mysterious stranger.

Topics include dinner dates, movies, sports, how to obsess about your appearance, dancing and more.

Obviously tongue-in-cheek, this bizarre guide will help you smile and recover after even the worst of your dating failures.

First, if you're not familiar with the book The Rules here is a summary of "The Rules" in the book, which you need to know to understand the satire.

Or do an Google Search to search for web pages discussing this book. Learn enough to get by and look cool, though you won't need it much after you have her hooked.

Something strange going on here.) For some reason they get really upset.

When you take off your ring, get some tanning lotion or put your hand under a sunlamp to make sure it's not visible where you took it off.

Or tell your wife you just don't want to wear a ring; invent some sort of bizarre hand disease or rice picker accident.